How I let go of the things that I thought offered me comfort


Many of you reading my blog right now are here because you want to lose weight. And I mean you really want to do it! You know the positives that go along with a healthier lifestyle and diet. Maybe you have another habit or addiction that you are wondering if it's too much to give up. These are things I had to do when I put down my last drink, had my last smoke and my last compulsive bite that led to junk-fueled binges:

I admitted defeat.

I gave up the struggle. I lost all interest in trying to manage my drinking, smoking and self-destructive eating. Because even if I was somehow managing to regulate my intake, I was obsessing over it, counting down to my next drink, smoke or whoopie pie (it's a Maine thing). I acknowledged that alcohol/cigarettes/junk food wasn't just kicking my ass, but owned me and that there was no hope of having a healthy relationship with those substances ever. It was a pleasure to let go. I freed my thoughts, energy, and attention to focus on the things that sustain me.

I raised my self-esteem.

I had to raise my bottom of how low I'd go! I learned that my emotional life matters, so that "rock bottom" isn't only defined by material losses. Living with constant regret, feeling a loss of control, obsessing over garbage--those were things that I began to recognize as part of a solid rock bottom, and not a trap door to sinking further into an abyss. A stellar resume, nice wardrobe or other pretty surface wasn't evidence of a successful inner life, nor would I continue to allow those outside things to define me. The more I cared about myself, the less attractive self-destruction became. Feeling good about being alive and being kind to myself was a start.

I recognized that my body is on loan.

In my young life while I was actively drinking to excess I went through periods of time where I just didn't care about what happened to me anymore. Then I had the realization that my body was a gift from the divine. If God gave me the keys to drive his/her Mercedes, I wouldn't drive it like it was stolen! I would treat it with the utmost respect because it was an entrusted gift for as long as I lived.

I realized that this is not a game. This is serious!

I no longer take comfort in self-abuse. It doesn't matter if now as a society we think train wreckery is OMG LOLZ so funny, worthy of endless reality TV shows and posting online to became viral sensations. I've learned to hold onto my outdated, steadfast "square" approach to living. I do not lower my standards of conduct with myself because society is loosening their own.

You see, this is the best I've ever felt. There is no happiness or joy in being enslaved to something "fun" that is tied to self-abuse. I'm not falling for it. Instead I pick up on all of the beautiful, live-giving food, activities, thoughts and actions that lead me to true fulfillment.

Comments

  1. What a truly beautiful gift you've given to yourself! And also to us by sharing your inspirational journey! I'm very proud of you, Averyl, and I don't even know you!

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  2. Thank you for this very honest, thoughtful piece, Averyl! I can certainly relate to what you said. There are probably many paths that people can take to healing, but at that juncture, most successful people seem to walk a very similar path.

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    1. I was a bit apprehensive about posting this here, but I plan to do more of it because it helps me and may help someone else. I'm glad it resonated with you.

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  3. Beautifully stated, from one "square" to another!

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